In Kel Walters’ TEDx talk (link), she talks about polyamory in tandem with emotional literacy: meaning, the communication we have with our own emotions. “Polyamory is really good at building emotional literacy, because there is no “normal” in polyamorous relationships.” Being in poly relationships asks us to be in touch with our own needs, understand our boundaries, and come to safe compromises with people we love. It is practice in both self advocacy and intentional listening. In fact, even if we are monogamous, the practice of questioning considering options beyond the norm gets us in touch with why we actually do like monogamy. 

Walters goes so far as to say that the skills learned in navigating and negotiating within poly relationships actually makes society better, making the simple point that “Obviously the more emotionally literate you are, the better you are at being able to handle people being different.” She asserts that the poly community is extremely accepting of queerness and gender non-conformity because they are already outside the norm, and I would add that the reverse is true: being poly is often more accepted by queer people. Of course the two do not inherently accompany each other, but the communities do have overlap and also are allies to each other. Both are outside the norm, and once one is outside the norm, letting go of traditional structures that don’t work becomes easier and easier. As Walters puts it, “there is no normal as long as you are not hurting anybody.”